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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2013

    Long Story: What to do?

    This story is kind of long but there is so much going on that I am trying to figure out the best way to protect my sister and her kids while also keeping my family and my parents safe as well.

    My sister has been married for 20 years an the entire time my brother in law (BIL) has been verbally abusive and controlling. We all didn't see it at first but I could always tell that something was off. Like a couple of years ago my sister called me to pick her up at a concert, crying. When I picked her up, she said that my BIL was really drunk so she would let him drive them home. He got mad, yelled at her, took the keys and drove home wasted and left her there. Another time a few years before that, we were at a family get together he physically tried to manhandle me and throw me to the ground after a heated argument. This made the picture much clearer about the assault charge he (successfully) fought to get expunged from his teenage years in NJ.

    We have always known of his background and how he was physically and verbally abused by his stepdad when he was a kid and we suspect his sister was sexually abused. He is now an opposing figure at 6'3" and close to 300 lbs.

    Well about 18 months ago, shit started to hit the fan. I don't know all of the details of what happened but my sister said that he pulled a stunt that changed everything. I do know that it involved a gun, and the police picked him up a few minutes later. The gun was unloaded at the time but he was 302'd to the hospital I work at. Because of HIPPA, I obviously could not just look at his chart. From what I pieced together, he threatened to kill himself with the gun in front of my sister and their 3 kids.

    After that, my sister threw him out of the house and they have been working on counseling. Through the counseling, I am told by my sister that he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (this is quite common for children of abuse). It is probably one of the worst personality disorders one can have.

    Anyway, recently he told my sister that he "accomplished all his goals" for counseling and was no longer going to go. This was not negotiable for my sister and things have now escalated. Apparently the other day he finally got physical with her and pushed her to the ground. She filed a PFA against him, but it is only temporary and since nobody else saw the incident the police are considering everything here say, so the PFA likely won't be permanent.

    Well last night my sister got served papers that she needs to go to court because he has filed for full custody of the kids. My nephews are 15 and 12 and neither of them want to be with him so I really don't think the courts could force them to go with him, but my Niece is only 4. My sister is now terrified that she could lose custody and even more terrified of him.

    He is losing control and he knows it. When people like him lose control, they can get desperate. Who knows what this dude is likely to do.

    He also obviously knows where I live an my parents live as well. I also wouldn't put it past him to file PFA's against my parents and my family as well (out of spite, not cause)...which would have ramifications for myself both professionally as well as my firearms rights.

    I know some of you in here are law enforcement and was hoping you might have some suggestions on how to protect all of us from this guy.
    Last edited by rxer311; 14 May 2019 at 11:19.

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