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  1. #16
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    Q: Why are camels called the "Ship of the Desert"?

    A: Because they're full of Iranian Semen.
    There's no "Team" in F**K YOU!

  2. #17
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    Joebob and Billy Ray were walking toward each other when JoeBob noticed Billy Ray had a sack slung over his shoulder. "What ya got in yer poke?" JoeBob said. "Some possums I shot for dinner!" Billy Ray responded. JoeBob said "If I guess how many ya got, can I have one? I'm hongry!" Billy Ray replied "If you guess right, you can have both of them" JoeBob thought about it for a minute... "Three?"

    There's no "Team" in F**K YOU!

  3. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Former11B View Post
    This cop is walking his beat past a cathedral on a cold Chicago Sunday morning and sees two of the altar boys outside, pants around their ankles, with their wieners stuck into the snow bank.

    The cop hustles over and says “Boys! What’s the big idea? What the heck are you’s doing out here?”

    The boys look at each other and back at the cop, and one pipes up and says “The father said he wanted a couple cold ones after the service!”
    Damn, you guys are getting pretty cold! No pun intended.
    NRA Life Member
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  4. #19
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    Why did the rooster go to KFC


    To see a chicken strip!!



    Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk
    "And now you understand. Anything goes wrong, anything at all... your fault, my fault, nobody's fault... it won't matter - I'm gonna blow your head off. No matter what else happens, no matter who gets killed I'm gonna blow your head off." -Big Jake

    "All the Gods, all the heavens, all the hells, are within you." -Joseph Campbell

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  5. #20
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    This one may be not too appropriate but here it is. If its not mods can delete.

    WHAT DO YOU CALL A PROSTITUTE WITH A RUNNING NOSE?

    .

    ..

    ..

    ...

    FULL

    Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk
    "And now you understand. Anything goes wrong, anything at all... your fault, my fault, nobody's fault... it won't matter - I'm gonna blow your head off. No matter what else happens, no matter who gets killed I'm gonna blow your head off." -Big Jake

    "All the Gods, all the heavens, all the hells, are within you." -Joseph Campbell

    Instagram- @tomcheaney9

  6. #21
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    Mine doesn't count, obviously but this is one I heard years and years ago.
    The pastor of a church found out at the last minute that he didn't have an organ player for the choir, so as a desperate, last minute fix, he asked one of the members who was a piccolo player to sit in for the organist.

    Things were fine until the choir started in with the piccolo player started to play. After about two minutes someone in the congregation shouted "piccolo player is a motherf___r!!!!"

    The choir stopped, and the pastor was obviously outraged at this outburst. The pastor then asked the congregation, "who in here called the piccolo player a mother_____r" No one answered. So the pastor asked "who was the man sitting next to the man who called the piccolo player a mother____er"?. Again, no one answerred. Out of desperation and frustration the pastor asked the man, sitting next to the man, sitting next to the man who called my piccolo player a motherfu___r a piccolo player a muther @%#* please stand up"!

    Finally one man stands up, as the whole congregation let out a collective gasp.

    He said "pastor, I'm not the man who called the piccolo player a M'Fer.
    I'm not the man sitting next to the man who called the piccolo a M'Fer.
    I'm not even the man who sitting the man, setting next to the man, sitting next to the man who called your piccolo player a M'Fer.

    What I want to know is, who called that mother'fer a piccolo player?

    Alright pretty pathetic, apologies to anyone offended.

    FT
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  7. #22
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    (Not really a joke but something I have thought about for a long time if I could make a stand up bit)

    Does anybody in here have any apple products like an I phone?

    Why are they so popular and why do people line up for blocks and blocks when they launch a new product?

    It seems to me that Apple could put shit in a box, call it iShit and people would would line up for 5 blocks to buy shit in a box because it has an Apple logo on it. Then 6 months later Apple would release iShit too which is slightly smellier and quite a bit runnier and people would line up 6 blocks to get their hands on it!

    (Not really a joke but something I have thought about for a long time)

  8. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by rxer311 View Post
    (Not really a joke but something I have thought about for a long time if I could make a stand up bit)

    Does anybody in here have any apple products like an I phone?

    Why are they so popular and why do people line up for blocks and blocks when they launch a new product?

    It seems to me that Apple could put shit in a box, call it iShit and people would would line up for 5 blocks to buy shit in a box because it has an Apple logo on it. Then 6 months later Apple would release iShit too which is slightly smellier and quite a bit runnier and people would line up 6 blocks to get their hands on it!

    (Not really a joke but something I have thought about for a long time)
    Smells like envy.

  9. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by fledge View Post
    Smells like envy.
    Hmmm...new gun...or an I phone?

    New gun please...and a cheap ass phone!

  10. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by rxer311 View Post
    Hmmm...new gun...or an I phone?

    New gun please...and a cheap ass phone!
    I was making a joke in the spirit of this thread. Everything you said was about something that smells. Come on, work with me.

  11. #26
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    I know...and I would still take a cheap ass phone with a new gun any day!

  12. #27
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    Apple fanboy since 1984 and the Apple ecosystem works for me and my family. After years of the Apple Death Watch, the company seems to be doing well. While I don’t line of for product releases, I replace them when needed. Usually longer than average. Bonus, Apple apparently cares about privacy.

    Also, my gun photos look awesome with my iPhone.
    Last edited by cjd3; 6 October 2019 at 20:35.

  13. #28
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    Let us know how and when to vote ...
    NRA Benefactor Member
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    "I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on."
    John Wayne - "The Shootist"

  14. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by rxer311 View Post
    (Not really a joke but something I have thought about for a long time if I could make a stand up bit)

    Does anybody in here have any apple products like an I phone?

    Why are they so popular and why do people line up for blocks and blocks when they launch a new product?

    It seems to me that Apple could put shit in a box, call it iShit and people would would line up for 5 blocks to buy shit in a box because it has an Apple logo on it. Then 6 months later Apple would release iShit too which is slightly smellier and quite a bit runnier and people would line up 6 blocks to get their hands on it!

    (Not really a joke but something I have thought about for a long time)
    Don't forget the .x version that comes out 6 months after the flagship debut, right on cue when Apple throttles back performance and cracks the screen. It's a little bump to get over the hump til next time Jobs corpse takes a dump!

    There's no "Team" in F**K YOU!

  15. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by cjd3 View Post
    Bonus, Apple apparently cares about privacy.

    Also, my gun photos look awesome with my iPhone.
    Well, your gun photos look nice!

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    There's no "Team" in F**K YOU!

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